Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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