Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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