Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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