Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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