speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
