i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
