I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
