One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
