I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
