I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
