Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
