pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
