Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
