All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
