I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
