he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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