I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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