Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
