I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
