my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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