so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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