I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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