he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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