Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
