Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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