im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize