girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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