Im at strip club and am horny
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
