just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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