I'm lost and stupid without you.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
