his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
