my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
