How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize