I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
