none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you have to choose: penises or morals?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
