hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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