If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
