Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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