Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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