look no pants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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