hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
