if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
