I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
