just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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