Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
