this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The Olympian is in my bed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
