you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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