This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize