I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
