I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize