Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
