I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
