are you still at the devil's house?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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