My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
