He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
