i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
