I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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