The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
