My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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