I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to calm my uterus...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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