my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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