I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
