Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
