O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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