she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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