i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
