Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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