a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
