so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
