Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
