Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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