Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
