The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
