So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
