thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My vagina just recognized that song.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize