There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
