glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
