How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
