So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
