He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was like eating out sand paper
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
