Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
