Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
