the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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