Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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