Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
