You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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