My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
