lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
