i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
