wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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