i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
