I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
