The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize