He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
