ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize